Tuesday 19 December 2006

Facing Up to Your Fears

Yesterday, I shared one of my dreams. This led me to recall a nightmare I had a few years ago.

I rarely have nightmares but in one of them I had been taken hostage and my captors were trying to force me to take drugs orally. My sub-conscious mind really knows how to get my attention! I refused. The hypodermic syringe was going to be next but they would have to catch me first. Somehow I managed to escape and now I was being pursued.

In my dream I moved liked a supreme athlete or some kind of superhero. I flew down stairs and ran down streets at top speed with my pursuer always close at my heels. But I was determined. I was not going to be caught. My heart was racing and not just in my dream. I felt strong swift and powerful and even although my pursuer was pretty agile too, I was confident he was no match for me. There was more involved but part way I realised that I had had this nightmare before yet, on previous occasions, I didn't feel as strong or self-assured as I did now. How could I have such a terrible dream and forget about it?

As you can tell, I was having a lucid dream where I was fully aware of what was taking place. Then I had a blinding moment of revelation. This dream had nothing to do with a fear of being held hostage or taking drugs. It was about fear itself.
I was going through a difficult patch. It felt at times as though I had more problems than solutions and that as soon as I fixed one thing, something else would come undone. It was tough keeping my faith during times like this but in some ways it was the easiest thing to do because it often felt that being faithful to my dreams and ideals was about all I had left.

So my fear was really about my not reaching my goals. However, it seemed my sub-conscious mind was feeling more confident than my conscious mind - certainly better than the other way round!

Meanwhile, my dream was starting to feel like an overlong car chase and, despite my determination not to fall into foul hands, I started to rationalise that I could only keep up my athleticism for so long - I was after all only human. Plus I wanted to rest. I needed another strategy.

I pressed "pause" and stopped dreaming for a while. I felt my rapid pulse, did some deep breathing to calm myself, thought about my situation and then decided to re-enter my dream. I knew what needed to be done. I pressed "play".

I can't remember ever having been able to resume a dream so easily, but you're probably wondering why did I want to return to a nightmare in the first place?

I was in control of this dream and I was going to finish it. I picked up the chase where I left it and stopped running.

I turned to my attacker and said,
"You're not real. I'm not afraid of you."

And with that I zapped my pursuer - just with my mind - but the effect was just as lethal. My pursuer disappeared with a puff and I welcomed the inky blackness enveloping around me as I slipped into a peaceful, undisturbed sleep. Now, all I had to do was transfer that bravado to my conscious activities.

"In true peace fear does not exist."

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